Entry level blogging

So.

Um.

And er.

I'm creating this blog purely as a riposte to using large obscure words; also like every other idiot blogger on the interweb I'm arrogant and believe someone somewhere wants to read this shit. Even if it's just me. Someone's gotta love us all, right? Not me, I'm not your father, I don't care about you.

So really I'm going to start using this as an extra promo thing for my Taming of the Crew production group but I wanted to get an entry level look at creating a "blog" in the same way other arrogant, narcisistic ( how do you spell narcisistic ? ) people who believe what they have to say online is SO interesting they have to get off the beaten tracks of Facebook, Twitter and whatever other social media network you kids use these days, and create their own singularly voiced BLOG, have done. So what's this post about? See title.

So I studied a few other people's blogs, folks I know and folks I don't, and they ALL seem to start sentences with the word "so", so I did too. So, in my research I discovered this one nugget of truth - no one has anything interesting to say. Period. As the Americans and women who are "on" might say. I'll try.

So it's taken me something like two days to find out how to use this blogging tool, two days of gnashing my yellowed teeth and shrieking silently at my poor, dedicated laptop. I've fought adware and malware and software and hardware and my back hurts and I haven't brushed my teeth or eaten since breakfast. I've looked at Tumblr, and Wordpress, and Goggle and Yahay and pornography and every other bloody blogging tool available and I have sat through interminable hours of swirling icons, slowly filling time-bars, error 404s and crashed sites and all sorts of reading of other people's stupid blogs about themselves ( where they try to sound nonchalant about discussing themselves and their achievements, as if it's no big deal that they have this forum, this platform to stand upon and bellow bullshit about themselves from ( honestly, read some of these people's blogs and you'll learn to hate humanity as they adopt the "little old me" approach to writing about their day - I promise you, I will rub my achievements in your face like a wet, exactly eighteen year old nipple might )) as I've waited to start my own bullshit producing blog machine too!

Unlike most other blogs, this one started as an exercise in self promotion. It has become an exercise in futility and frustration. I feel like I'm in a horizontally descending on-fire plane with no oxygen mask. I desire the release of the upwards rushing ocean because nothing can be worse than this hell, this hell of shrieking voices piercing my terrified mind - shut UP people, no one is listening, NO ONE!!! Stop screaming, it won't help, all you're doing is making your presence known to people who don't - fucking - care! Please God let the crash happen soon and let the pain be swift. For me, not for the others in this plane. Let THEM die slowly and miserably.

Point is, I've uploaded the same profile picture seven thousand times, been told I can't use my name because someone else is already using my name, even thought it's my damn name, I've accidentally told someone I hate that I hate them while waiting to get this blog set up, and I've probably cost myself a million in your Euro to get this free blog up and running. I think I gave some guy my credit card details at some point, but he said he was rich and just needed bus-fare to get me money from my account so I reckon I'm getting a payload soon. Topical humour is what you'll get here. How about 911! Funny, funny shit. We can laugh about it now, right?

I also accidentally set up a linkdin thing as well. It's true that boredom is the mother of all bullshit. She should've had an abortion.

So here we are then, today. All set up with nowhere to go. I shall be intermittently posting on this thing to see how it goes. I shall swear ( as in fuck and shit and poop and willy - not as in promise ), I shall castigate, castrate, and fanny needlessly around.

Most of all I'll describe my own stupidity in everyday happenstance, so I can use my idiocy as a springboard to point out how everyone else is an idiot too.

Enjoy.